I am back home in Canada now and last night was my third night of uninterrupted, no jet lag, sleep. We spent the weekend at our friend’s place in Barrie celebrating her 50th. It was absolutely great to see the Collingwood crew again and I found that my ‘no alcohol’ policy meant I was sober for enough of the evening to actually talk to a few really lovely people who I typically only wave a vague ‘hello’ to.
We rode on Sunday at Buckwallow in Gravenhurst (another benefit of not drinking is the opportunity to do something other than hang my head in pain on Sundays after parties). Buckwallow is OK, the rocks are fun, but the trails are very short and I’m not sure it is better than some of our more local trails. Still the drive was nice and Rob got to eat at Webers (home of the worlds greatest hamburger, apparently). It is true that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach – he was so happy.
We got back on Sunday evening and all was not well. The post I did last week about being a source of irritation to my in laws was apparently read extensively over the weekend. My sister-in-law (who has a rare talent for telling the truth at all times without causing any offence and with whom I have a very valued relationship) pointed out, quite validly, that perhaps what I had written wasn’t very fair, and was actually quite hurtful. I read it again and, now I am back in Canada and my perspective is a little less tense, it does sound rather bitchy. In fact, I was mortified.
So, this morning I picked up the telephone and called everyone who it intimated and apologized. I have taken the post down, so you can’t see it now anyway. The feeling of wanting a big hole to appear in the ground and swallow me has subsided a little bit and I am able to reflect on the incident a bit more objectively. I wrote the post because I was mad and I felt like I didn’t have a ‘voice’. I hurt people’s feelings, then I picked up the telephone to the people who I didn’t think I could talk to and said what I should have said in the first place. Now, in retrospect, there was clearly another solution – I should have picked the phone up and tried that first. I assumed people wouldn’t want to hear from me, but by doing so I created my own situation in which, had I not apologized they probably would have ended up not wanting to hear from me.Â So that’s how self-fulfilling prophecies work…